Skip to main content

Marriage difficulties

Our (UK) Arch/bishops are in a tizzy over the possibility of gay marriage. 


After last week's intervention by Cardinal Keith O'Brien where he compared the possible legalisation of such marriages to the prospect of legalising slavery (yes, my mother could not understand that one either), the Roman Catholic bishops' conference had a letter read this Sunday in all 2,500 churches in England and Wales warning against the radical nature of such a step and how it would undermine the traditional understanding of marriage, out would go 'the complementarity of male and female or that marriage is intended for the procreation and education of children'. 


The letter had the virtue of greater coherence than the rambling article of the Cardinal in the Sunday Telegraph but neither his intervention nor that of the Roman Catholic bishops nor the Anglican Archbishop of York (who appeared on television to tell us that marriage and civil partnership are different and that this difference is important and should be upheld) truly clarifies why the traditional understanding of marriage should be maintained rather than it be extended to same sex couples?


Not least because the 'traditional understanding of marriage' probably never has cleaved to the reality of people's actual lives!


That marriage can include the procreation of children is undoubtedly true and that society should support frameworks that provide safe and secure spaces in which children can grow into well-being is utterly vital. But it is clear that not every marriage leads to (or intends to) the procreation of children. It is equally clear that in the world, there are many couples that support and sustain children they have not 'procreated' and that a binding commitment between them, where the intention is to share all, may help to support and sustain such safe and secure spaces. Why not, therefore, acknowledge that in truth 'families' are (and have always been) more diverse than the traditional definition of marriage would have us recognise? And work to extend and deepen that definition?


Meanwhile, I will leave better minds than mine to ponder the 'complementarity of male and female' - I only doubt whether such an abstraction has ever been the basis of any abiding or real particular relationship.


I find the opposition of the bishops to this extension hamstrung by a remarkably legalistic and instrumentalist view of marriage, not grounded in the actual tapestry of lived lives (neither in the present or historically). This would be the real testing ground of the usefulness of any 'instrument'! 


But beyond this, at heart, I find the bishops strangely areligious when it comes to marriage - in seeing it first and foremost as an institution (in the 1662 Prayer Book, according to the Archbishop of York, and that is defined by an Act of Parliament, so there)! 


If marriage is a sacrament - an outward and visible sign of grace - renewed in grace - it can only be the practice of a relationship that is continually broken open to the real, transforming presence of God. This makes it a spiritual practice, first and foremost, one that cannot be institutionalised (or only by falsifying it). It is as if 'God' as living presence is too embarrassing a one for our bishops (especially on Sunday television) and He barely gets a look in while we wrangle after tradition (one rooted in that recent, and dissolving, invention: the nuclear family).  Too idealistic I suppose to imagine the practice of the presence of God at the heart of our lives! Or that, at least, bishops be representatives of that idealism rather than the prim pedlars of  'morality' that the Daily Mail would like them to be!


P.S. Just in case one feels that it is the forces of reaction who have all the worst tunes. Here is a quotation from Mary Ann Sieghart in today's Independent -"I use the inverted commas because I don't believe sexuality is a moral issue at all unless it involves people getting hurt". (She is decrying the politicisation of sexual behaviour in the United States). Since the potential of getting hurt rests in every sexual relationship that I can imagine between sentient humans, I have no idea what she can mean!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Buddha meets Christ in embrace

Reading Lama Anagarika Govinda is proving nostalgic on a number of fronts. I recall my first reading of it in my first year at university, bought at Watkins, the famous 'esoteric' bookshop in Cecil Court in London. I sat in my hall of residence room transfixed by a world made familiar; and, it was deepening of a commitment to contemplation (which has been observed fitfully)! I remember returning, at the time, to my school to give a talk to the combined fifth form on Buddhism and using Govinda as the backbone of my delivery (both this book, and his equally wonderful, the Foundations of Tibetan Buddhism). I was voted (I immodestly remember) their best invited speaker of the year. I had even bought a recording of Tibetan music as opener and closer! He reminded me of how important Buddhism was (and is) to my own thinking and comprehension of my experience. The Buddha's First Sermon in the Deer Park was the first religious text I read (of my own volition) at the tender age...

Luminous Spaces - the poetry of Olav H. Hauge

Don't give me the whole truth, don't give me the sea for my thirst, don't give me the sky when I ask for light, but give me a glint, a dewy wisp, a mote as the birds bear water-drops from their bathing and the wind a grain of salt. It began with a poem, this poem, in Mark Oakley's 'The Splash of Words: Believing in Poetry' - a wonderful series of meditations on particular poems, one each chapter. The poet is the Norwegian, Olav H. Hague (1908-1994). I immediately ordered, 'Luminous Spaces: Selected Poems & Journals' and was enjoying dipping until, at the weekend, recovering from a stomach bug, I decided to read them through and fell wholeheartedly for a new friend. Hague was born on a farm. His formal education was brought short by a combination of restricted means, an inability to conquer mathematics: and, a voracious diet of reading ranging beyond the confines of any confining curriculum. He went to a horticultural college instead an...

Richard Hauser and the evils of Marx

Richard was a distinguished Austrian sociologist who had contributed to the Wolfenden report that led to the decriminalisation of homosexuality in England, Wales and Scotland in the late 1960's. I was remembering him on the plane today because I saw a reference to his wife, Hephzibah Menuhin, pianist sister of the violinist Yehudi and human rights activist. I met him after responding to an advertisement in the New Society. He lived in a house in Pimlico, a widower, with a clutch of young people, running an ill-defined (for me) social research/action institute, that I visited several times and to which Richard wanted to recruit me. I was never clear as to what my responsibilities might be and resisted co-option. He was, however, extraordinarily charismatic and as a Jew had fled Austria in 1938 not without receiving permanent damage to his hearing, courtesy of Gestapo interrogation. I vividly remember one story he told me that gives you an idea of his character. He was invit...